Breath of Heaven... Hold Me Together

Thanks to the generous hearts of hundreds of people, our church campus collected 315 shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child this year! I was amazed, overwhelmed, and full of joy the entire month. Our record for all 3 campuses combined was 241, so I set a goal of 300 this year. We beat that with just 1 campus! God provided and the spirit of Jack lives on inside us.

So, with that great news, why do I feel so down in the dumps these past few days? Maybe it's because Thanksgiving came and went and I couldn't help but think about Jack's family and how heartbroken they were that day. Or maybe it's because Christmas is around the corner and my heart is breaking for them even more. Or maybe it's the enemy at work, which he loves to do- ready to pounce at any time. I need to put the armor back on and fight it off, but it's not so easy.

I remember the first Christmas after Scott died. It was only about 6 weeks after his accident, so everything was still so raw. At first, Mom didn't want to decorate or have Christmas at all. That is so unlike her, since our house always was covered in decorations for every holiday. So, we urged her and together decorated the house. But the most painful part of all of it was at the end... when it was time to hang the stockings on the mantle. What should we do with Scott's? We ended up hanging it that year and then every year thereafter. But now... none of us still live at home since we are grown up, married, and have children of our own. I actually have Scott's stocking from my Dad's house. It was way too painful for Dad to have Scott's stocking out. Somehow I ended up with it. I haven't ever hung it with ours and wonder if I should continue to keep it or not. I'm not sure, but I'm not ready to just get rid of it. Twenty years ago, he was taken from us, but I want to hold on to a piece of him forever.

Christmas music is all over the radio stations here and I honestly am getting a little sick of it already (on Dec. 5th)! But I have heard a song in the past few days that I just love. Amy Grant is singing it and it's called "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)". It's about Mary and the birth of Jesus, but I can really relate to it since I'm a mother myself. I think about how Mary must have felt being chosen as the mother of the Messiah. Um, no pressure or anything! I think about how Joseph was so trusting of Mary and of God in this quite unusual set of circumstances with Mary being pregnant before they were married. I wonder if Joseph ever felt "out of place" being Jesus's father on earth, but really a stand-in father, if that makes sense. I wonder if Mary and Joseph ever felt the feelings we've felt as parents... fear, anxiety, frustration, guilt. But then again, Jesus never sinned, so maybe it was a cake walk for them. HA HA HA!

A lot of these questions and more are discussed in a great little book worth reading this time of year. It's called Why the Nativity? by David Jeremiah. My women's small group is reading it together and I really like it. So, put that on your Christmas list this year!

Breath of Heaven, hold me together... lighten my darkness.... help me be strong...