twelve

In 12 years,

{we did this}

{we honeymooned here}

{we moved here}

{we visited here}

{and here}

 {and here}

{we ate the top layer of our wedding cake here}

{we moved here}

{we lived just a few miles from this}

{we became homeowners}

{we raised and eventually said goodbye to her}

{we decided we wanted one of these}

 {we went through lots of these}

{we waited and waited...}

{then we bought this}

{soon after, we were doubly blessed with these}

{which meant we bought this}

{and about a million dollars worth of these}

{and these}

{darrell bought me many, many, many of these}

{we look forward to many more of these}

{but we agree we are done with these}

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Twins Defined

In case you ever wondered what it's like to be twins, Libby and Drew give you the run down:



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This is the Stuff (that drives me crazy)

Ever have a day where you wonder why you even got out of bed in the first place? You know... where everything seems to go wrong and all odds are against you? Today started out that way for me.

As I was getting ready for work, I noticed my wedding band was missing one of its channel-set diamonds. UGH. Then, my van's battery was dead. AGAIN. Darrell came home, jump started it, and switched cars with me for the day (while he brought it to get a new battery). Things seemed to be looking up. Until...

As I was leaving a preschool in Fairfax, this is what happened to me (in Darrell's Jeep, mind you):

 

As I was going through an intersection, I noticed the car to my left slammed on its brakes. I braked myself and then BAM! A Honda Civic had run the stop light and I smashed into its right side. He spun around and ended up turning completely around, facing the wrong way in the busy street (Fairfax County Parkway). He was shaken up, but thankfully no one was hurt. I instantly said a prayer because the Jeep has a bigger front end, which is made of more "solid" materials than my mini van. I don't want to even think about what would have happened if I was driving my mini van today. 

The other car:

 The other guy tried to tell the policeman that I came out of nowhere. So sad that people lie, especially to a police man who has seen a wreck or 2 and discovered the skid marks all over the road. Thankfully, Darrell came to get me and we had to wait around and do paperwork and so forth. Then, we took a trip to the body shop, and handled about 15 phone calls between the driver at fault's insurance company, the rental car company, and the worker's compensation department (since I was working at the time). A small sacrifice to pay for not ending up seriously injured... or worse.

A few hours later, my back and neck started getting really sore, so I decided to get it checked out at Urgent Care (one of worker's comp providers). I cringe at being exposed to all kinds of stuff in waiting rooms like this. Watching Howie Mandel talk about his OCD and germophobia on TV there did not help things! After 30 minutes of waiting, 1 nap, many prayers of thanksgiving, and reading a few more books of Revelation (since we are studying it in our women's bible study group), the doctor told me it most likely was just muscle strain. She suggested I take Advi, and gave me the clear to return to work. She warned me that tomorrow and Thursday will most likely be really painful. Let's hope she's wrong!

Lying down waiting to be seen by the doctor allowed me to think things through. I was so aggravated about my van not starting, but after looking at Darrell's car, I realize that his front end is much bigger and more solid than my van's. I thank God for protecting me and the other driver because had it been one milli-second earlier, things would have been very different. It's hard to ignore the message to "slow down with life and realize what you've got". Stop complaining all the time about bad things always happening to me. Start appreciating all the time I have here with my family and friends. Listen more, talk less. Be still and know that He is God.

This song came to mind most of the day today. Can you relate?




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The Latest

We are going through a tough phase right now at age 4. Everyone says the 2's are terrible, but I say the 3's and 4's are worse. That's because they can talk back (with such sass sometimes), copy everything they see (especially bad behavior), disobey, and flat out ignore you when things aren't going their way. I have to take some deep breaths at bath/bedtime because oooo-weeeee they are HOT and sassy. I feel like I have teenagers at my house! I keep going back to my mom telling us how she would never say/do that to her mother and clearly remember rolling my eyes every time. Well, now I know what she means! In fact, we have started the "No/Yes, ma'am and No/Yes, sir" rule and I plan to stick with it. There's a lot that I can handle, but rude, disrespectful kids are not one of them.

With all of that being said, there are also some amazing things about age 4. They are a little more independent, can play together, and enjoy being a "special helper". They come up with some amazing stories, artwork, and ideas. They also have an "imaginary family" as they told me today. "Mrs. Mango" is "the one who takes care of all of the animals and gives them food". She is also the one that would take care of a pet if we decided to get one. I'm doubtful that's true, though Libby and Drew like to try and use this as leverage. :)

Drew is smart- really smart. Smart enough to point out your mistakes in routines, recalling stories/movies, pronunciation of words, and especially things "you promised". He's doing 100 piece puzzles and has recently begun Legos (the small ones). He loves Star Wars, Cars 2, Spider Man, and Bat Man. He is moving away from Toy Story. Tonight when I tucked him in, he told me he was going to be a race car driver for the M&M car. He picked this car b/c M&M's are "Daddy's favorite". But he also had tons of questions I could not answer, like where these cars are made, how they go so fast, why the doors don't open, and so on. I divert these to Darrell. Drew has kept us on our toes (as well as Brenda, his preschool teachers, and KidZone teachers) with his behavior the past year or so. I have prayed every day for my sweet boy to return to me. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I think he's returning finally! YAY!

But... guess who's decided to pick up where he left off...

Libby is our free spirit. She's so cute at mispronouncing or misusing words (like "nusery" for "anniversary"), playing with Hello Kitty (her 3 different ones), and doing arts/crafts. She has the best stories to tell and does.not.stop.talking. I mean EVER. I can't believe I'm typing this because apparently I was am the same. I think I've toned down a lot, but definitely have the gift of the gab. She used to be really camera shy as a baby. It was funny- whenever I pulled out the video camera to catch her doing something cute, she immediately stopped. But now, she wants to be taped. I finally pulled it out today and caught her in her element singing.  Thought you might enjoy it:




So, my prayer now is that this is just a "phase" and that she goes through it much quicker than Drew did! And in the mean time, I'll use this adorable photo of the babies when they were almost 4 months old as a means to calm my nerves. :)

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And She Wored A Striped Shirt!

It's always exciting when you get the wonderful news about someone expecting a baby. My friend, Andy, is pregnant with twins and I just went to a baby shower for my friend, Kirsten. Plus my brother, Bryan, and his wife Erica are expecting their 2nd baby girl in March. Babies everywhere! New moms have asked me for advice/tips since I had Libby and Drew and it's a little tough since my memory is terrible. Thankfully, I have this blog. It really is like our baby book because I wrote so much detail about every little thing when they were little. So, my first bit of advice is to blog/journal because it's true- you WILL forget things. :)

I wanted to blog this cute "Libby'ism" from today (you know, before I forget)...


Since we have another friend named Andy, I often have to clarify with "Hayley and Kate's Andy" or "church Andy". Libby also refers to Andy-with-twins as "church CD Andy" since we have a New Life Band CD. After I told them I was having lunch with "church Andy who has twin babies in her belly" (say that 5 times fast), I decided we needed a shorter name for her. I told them her last name, and now they call her "Miss Andy Spray". So cute, even if it does make her sound sort of like some sweet little old lady- like the one from the movie "Up" (I tear up just thinking of that movie).

Darrell and I went to 1st service today so for 2nd service, I was in KidZone holding 2 crying infants at once (if you ever want practice for the twins, just come on by sometime). Libby and Drew wanted to go see "Miss Andy Spray" sing. They didn't tell me until afterward, but this was our conversation on the drive home:

Libby: "Mama, Miss Andy Spray sang so beautiful, didn't she?"
Me: "Yes, she does!"
Libby: "Yeah. She sanged 'Hosanna'!"
Me: "I know. That is my favorite song and I love when she sings it."
Libby: "Yeah."
{pause for some really deep thinking  - which means something good is coming...}
"And she wored a stripe shirt, Mama!"
Me: {smile}

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Things Get Ugly Before They Get Better

Do you find it interesting that things get ugly before they can get better? In all honesty, it's no fun at all. But why doesn't my human brain realize that the ugliness sometimes means that the light is around the corner? Even though I know this to be true, my simple human mind just cannot grasp it. If Pavlov could train dogs so that they knew what to expect around the corner, why can't I? Especially when I've been through it before time and time again?

Ever wake up in the morning with a black eye? Okay, let me preface this... I must have been dreaming or maybe even having a nightmare because for some strange reason early Tuesday morning, I guess I went to turn over or something and I just remember whipping around toward Darrell and all of a sudden.. SMACK... I slammed my face into the top of his head. That's what he gets for cuddling too early in the morning, right? ha ha ha But seriously... it woke him up and he said it hurt, but not like it hurt my left eye. Wanna see?

No pain, really- just a few stares from people I met for the first time at work (a parent and some staff from a new community preschool I visited).

Today it hurts a lot more. Although Libby and Drew were so sweet, saying, "I think it looks like pretty makeup," I wasn't convinced. I have a headache and it feels really swollen- basically it feels like I got punched in the eye! I don't think I can put concealer on it today because just barely touching it hurts.

But we know that with bruising, it looks really ugly as it's healing. Yesterday it was blue, today it's purple, and I expect tomorrow to be yellow or green. This is the sign that it is getting better.

Which brings me to my next point... Dr. Katie has once again decided to cease yet another new medication prescribed to me for anxiety and depression. I have had great success with one in particular, but the doctor felt I needed an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) to make the total package of happiness. I tried one, gained 35 lbs and had a ferocious craving of sugar that could never be satisfied. I tapered it off independently, leading to serious side effects, or SSRI withdrawal. This felt like having the worst hangover EVER, for weeks and weeks (while still expecting to work with preschoolers, raise my own, and function in society). NICE. My doctor was unaware that I had received my MD in the 2 or so months since we had seen one another. Needless to say, I told him that especially since I had gone through this withdrawal, I was never putting that in my body again. But, my mood took a major nose dive. MAJOR.NOSE.DIVE.

So, much to my chagrin, I agreed to try another SSRI. It's been 2 months and I have been so, so tired. I mean.. TIRED. Not the tired that comes from having newborn twins, but the tired of "I can't even listen to what you are saying because I am asleep with my eyes open" kind of tired. The "I am no help to my husband at all because I am too tired to help with cooking, housework, bathing children, bringing them to school, or being awake past 7:00 PM" tired.  The "I cannot believe I am still tired when I am sleeping AT LEAST 12 hours nightly" kind of tired. I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings or make it to my bed fast enough (usually falling asleep at the dinner table or on the sofa shortly after) kind of tired. So, I tried to wean off as best I could and once again am having the nice hangover to go with it. This time it's not as terrible, but still no fun.

What's keeping me going is knowing that things get UGLY with a capital U before they get better. Isn't that true for everyone? It is for me. But it's the time of being in the UGLY that makes my brain forget. Then I get stuck in the UGLY for more than necessary. Why is that? Are we simply wired that way as women, as mothers, or as humans?

Why is it that I want to stay in the UGLY sometimes? Why can't I accept a compliment someone gives me, especially about my appearance? Just yesterday, even with my eye the way it was (which really wasn't all that noticeable), someone I see every Tuesday at a preschool I go to asked me if I was losing weight. Immediately, as if a script programmed into my brain- I went into diarrhea of the mouth discounting this... "Oh, it must be this sweater or pants or something else because there's no way I could have lost any weight since I can't ever seem to no matter how hard I try. You are too sweet saying something like that..." as I laughed it off. Ok, WHAT?? Instead of just saying, "Maybe I have," or "Thank you," I immediately turn into that little unworthy girl who enjoys self-destruction and succumbs to the resistance around her. Deep down, I'm begging for others to accept me and love me and notice me (in a good way, that is), but when I get that gift, I slam it to the ground and stomp on it. It's like I punch it in the eye or something (he he). But why?

 ⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV1984)

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Thank God for Fleas

Today in church, the message was about being grateful for what we have in our lives. It gave me a lot of perspective as excerpts from a book by Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of the German concentration camps of World War II, were read. I had not heard of Corrie or her sister, Betsie, before today and am now compelled to buy Corrie's book with her personal writings documenting her experiences with her sister.

Here's a review of what I heard today, from another author, Joyce Swann:

Thank God for Fleas

As Thanksgiving approaches many of us are compiling our personal list of things for which we are thankful. I, too, am compiling my list, and in doing so I am putting at the very top, “Thank you, God, for fleas.”

I learned about the importance of fleas from Corrie Ten Boom, the Dutch Christian woman who, along with her other family members, hid Jews from the Nazis when Holland was under occupation. Corrie and her sister Betsie were middle-aged spinsters when they were arrested by the Germans and eventually sent to the concentration camp at Ravensbruck. Because Ravensbruck was among the worst of the camps, from the time they were first arrested Corrie had prayed diligently that they would not be sent there.Yet, Ravensbruck turned out to be the final destination for these two remarkable women.

The sisters were assigned to Barracks 28, a long gray building with numerous broken windows covered by rags and communal beds consisting of platforms stacked three high covered with filthy, stinking straw.On that first day when Corrie and Betsie were assigned their places on a middle platform, they discovered that the straw was infested with fleas—biting, stinging vermin. It seemed to Corrie that fleas were the one thing that would make their incarceration at Ravensbruck even more torturous.

When Corrie began to complain about their circumstances, Betsie reminded her that the Bible says we are to give thanks in everything, and she began to thank God aloud that there had been no inspection when the women entered the barracks, and they had been able to bring in their Bible. Then she thanked God for the crowding because that meant more women would hear the gospel and be saved. Finally, Betsie thanked God for the fleas! As far as Corrie was concerned, that was the last straw. Corrie refused to join Betsie in thanking God for the fleas until Betsie reminded her that fleas were part of the place where God had put them. Grudgingly, Corrie took Betsie’s hand and joined her in thanking God for the fleas, although she was certain that this time Betsie was wrong.

The two sisters immediately began a nightly meeting of prayer and Bible study where everyone was welcome to participate. Roman Catholics, Lutherans, and Eastern Orthodox women joined in the prayers and signing, and others listened. The sisters’ Bible was written in Dutch, but they translated their reading into German so that more of the women would understand. Those women, in turn, passed the words of scripture along the aisles translating them into French, Polish, Russian, and Czech.

At first, the sisters were very fearful when they called their meetings. In their previous barracks they had been accustomed to having the guards exercise rigid surveillance with half a dozen guards always present. In Barracks 28, however, there was very little supervision. At first the sisters were puzzled by this lack of supervision, but they later learned that the guards refused to enter the barracks because of the fleas. God had provided the fleas to keep the guards away from the nightly Bible study and worship where many women would come to know Christ.

In these difficult times many of us are fighting battles that seem to involve an inordinate number of fleas. We have experienced loss of income, dwindling home values, and failing businesses. It is almost impossible not to be angry and discouraged when we see everything we have worked so hard to achieve snatched away by circumstances beyond our control. Yet, the Bible tells us that not only are we not to be resentful, we are to actually give thanks for everything that comes into our lives.

If you feel that this Thanksgiving you have little to be thankful for, don’t concentrate on what is missing in your life. Thank God for the fleas, and trust that He is using them—every single annoying one of them—to bring about something beautiful. Trust that one day you will look back and understand how He used the fleas to bring about His perfect plan in your life.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.  

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Star Wars and Hello Kitty

Isn't it cool how the toys we once played with are now the ones our kids wanted this Christmas? We've come full circle with Star Wars and Hello Kitty! Santa was good to Libby and Drew since he brought them just what they wanted. ;)

Books I've Read

In 2011, I bombarded my end table with books. Books that were mostly recommended to me by 1) friends 2) church 3) my church group 4) other books. Let's just say that this was not the way to go since I ended up reading several at one time, meaning that I didn't really comprehend much of 1 book. Luckily, Santa surprised me with a Nook Tablet this Christmas! This way, I can have all of my books (ebooks, that is) in one place. So, I can pull my Nook out of my purse in the waiting room or during my spare time (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). I even loaded the Life Application Bible (NLT) on it, so I can now be more accountable for reading it more regularly. So, here's what I read, intended to read, or partially read in 2011:

One Thousand Gifts - ongoing

The Help - ongoing

 

Calming Your Anxious Mind - intended

Have a New Kid by Friday - mostly read

Believing God - mostly read

Women, Food, and God - ongoing

You Are Not What You Weigh - started

The Strong-Willed Child - mostly read

Breaking Dawn - started and not all that interested

Crazy Love - finished (via audiobook)

Love and Respect - finished (via audiobook)

Why the Nativity? - mostly read

Managing Your Emotions - intended

Here's what I have on my short list to read in 2012:
The Help - to finish so I can see the movie
One Thousand Gifts - it's really intriguing so far and The Nester highly recommends it
Believing God - very interesting
Women, Food, and God - good insight

I'm linking up to The Nester:

Christmas in Louisiana

We made it to Louisiana after a rainy 18-hour drive and have been having so much fun visiting family and friends. On the 23rd, we went to my brother, Tim's engagement party and met his fiancee, Christie's family. It was really nice and her family and friends were so nice. The food was delicious, too!

Libby and Drew are in for a big surprise when we get back to Virginia and there are no more presents to open. That's because we've seen different people every day we've been here and all have handed out presents to the twins. When we get back, I have to reorganize the play room once and for all to fit all these new toys in there!

We've managed to eat all kinds of wonderful foods and sweets and I need de-tox when I return. Libby and Drew LOVE playing with all of their cousins and watching that makes me wish we lived here. But I know we have wonderful opportunities career-wise up in Virginia. Who knows... we may end up back here someday. Darrell will certainly love being back to all the sporting events. So far he's been to a Saints Monday night football game and a N.O. Hornets basketball game!

Here are some highlights:

The Engaged Couple (Christie and Tim)